What Would Smith Do For A Klondike Bar?
by Adhara1
Summary: What would you do for a Klondike Bar? A lot. But will his drive for chocolate and ice cream goodnes mean the destruction of his sunglasses?


Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Matrix. No money is being made from this fic.

Author's Note: This fic was originally posted as my first piece on in 2003, back when i didn't know how to properly format fanfiction for chapter uploads, heh heh. Well, this is the same exact fic, only reformatted to cater to reader's eyesight. So, same stupid material, same lame dialogue. But what can I say? I'm too lazy to go back and use any of my new experience to improve it! Enjoy.

What Would Smith Do For A Klondike Bar?

Neo sat on a bright red bench. He was in the Matrix, not for any particular reason. He had been just about to leave when he heard a familiar song. He looked up just in time to see the Icecream Truck rounding the corner.

Icecream! He thought excitedly. He hadn't had icecream since he had been freed from the Matrix. Neo walked up to the man in the truck and ordered a Klondike Bar. He paid the fat icecream man his money and sat back down on the bench with his icecream. Just before he opened it he saw a dark figure speeding down the road after the icecream truck. It was Agent Smith. Smith stopped to catch his breath and walked up to Neo.

"Which way did it go? Which way did it go"

"Which way did what go"

"The icecream truck, you fool! I've been trying to catch it since Third Street! Damn! Why does it never stop for me! Does the icecream man have some kind of problem with programs or something" Smith collapsed on the bench next to Neo and started to sob pathetically. Then he looked up and noticed Neo's icecream. "Is that.ICECREAM" he shouted madly.

"Um.yah. A Klondike Bar actually."

"Klondike...Klondike Bar? I've never had one of those! Give it to me, human"

"No! It's mine"

"Come on. Please? We're practically best friends! Think of all the fights we've gotten into over the years! We've had some swell times."

"Right."

"OK, what do you want for it"

"I dunno.what would you do for a Klondike Bar"

"ANYTHING"

"Hop on one foot."

"Ok."

Smith started hopping on his left foot, until he lost his balance and fell into a mud puddle by the side of the road.

"Now can I have the Klondike Bar"

"I'm not done yet. I want to see how much enjoyment I can get out of this first. You said you'd do anything."

"Ya ya ya. Fine."

"Alright, uh..."

"Hurry up, I haven't got all day"

"OK, ok. Um...See that four story building up there? I want you to jump off it."

"Alright, Mr. Anderson. If you want to play, we'll play." Smith ran up the stairs to the roof or the building. He threw himself off without a second thought and landed a few seconds later on the ground next to Neo. "Owwww."

"Come on, get up." Smith rose to his feet, readying himself for the next challenge. "I know...sing the Telletuby theme song"

"Mr. Anderson...this is getting to be absurd. Can I please just have the icecream bar now? I don't even know the Telletuby theme song"

"Yah.sure you don't Smith. Come on, I'm waiting."

"Fine.I" "Wait a second! I want you to sing it while picking your nose."

"Alright." With that Smith burst into song, all the while picking shamelessly at his nose. "OH! I've got a good one! See that woman in the red dress over by the street corner? I want you to go over there and see it you can get a date with her."

"What woman? Her! She'd never go out with me! Come one Neo, haven't I been humiliated enough"

"Remember the Klondike Bar"

"Oh.Fine" Smith walked coolly over to the woman in the red dress. She stood there all by herself. "Uh.ma'am? Could I ask you something" The woman stared at him.

"Right. Well, uh...You see, I was just wondering if you would like to.like to go on a date with me.see I-AHHH" The woman in the red dress seized Smith with her leather handbag, which was weighted down by an obscene amount of gifts given to her by the one and only, Mouse. After giving Smith a thorough beating the woman in the red dress stomped off down the empty street. Smith returned to Neo with a black eye and a missing tooth.

"That.that didn't go so well. Can I.can I have the Klondike Bar now please"

"Almost. Just one more thing." "What is it" "I want you to break your sunglasses."

"Ok I'll-WHAT! MY SUNGLASSES? NEVER"

"You said you'd do anything for a Klondike Bar."

"But.my sunglasses? Why my sunglasses? Forget it! I'll never to it"

"Oh, but Smith, you're forgetting our deal. That would mean that you would have done all of these stupid and meaningless tasks for nothing."

"Neo, I will do anything.anything but that! Please don't make me do it"

"I'm waiting Smith." Agent Smith removed his sunglasses from his face. That one pair of sunglasses was his most prized possession. They were Smith.

"You've already broken one pair of my sunglasses, Neo. Why must you take these" "Because, Smith, I am the One. I have the Klondike Bar. I hold with the Klondike Bar the power. Bow down to it or die." Smith held his sunglasses in his hands for a moment. How he loved the dark lenses. How powerful he felt when he put them on his face. But, alas; no more. He must have the Klondike Bar. With the Klondike Bar came the ultimate sacrifice; his sunglasses. They had gave his life meaning since he had first been downloaded. Oh, how he would miss them. He kissed the sunglasses gently on one of the lenses before laying them on the ground. A tear rolled down his cheek as he lifted his foot over them. They seemed to scream "Help us Rupert! (that was his first name) Help us"

He ignored the voices and with every ounce of will power he had, he drove his foot downward until he heard the sickening crunch of the sunglasses' end. "My...sunglasses." he said in a very small, very helpless voice.

"Good job, Smith" said Neo heartlessly, tossing Smith the Klondike Bar. "You earned it." Just then Neo's cell phone rang. He answered it and after a few seconds turned to Agent Smith. "Gotta run. Duty calls." And with that he ran off in search of the exit. "Finally" breathed Smith, a hint of sadness in his voice. He opened the icecream package hastily, but was surprised when a stream of milky goodness dripped out. The Klondike Bar had melted.

Author's Note: Dun dun dun! Poor Smith. Ah, well, please review. Constructive criticism is ALWAYS appreciated!


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